31 July, 2011

I was very sick this week, I had strep now thank G-d I'm back to normal but this experience showed me how the saying hakeres habays(foundation of the home) is sooo right. My wonderful husband helped me a lot, more than what I expected and he did an amazing job but he's not a woman. Thank you taty :) 
Little things that a men would never notice he didn't do. They r not important things but they make a difference for me and I was thinking that really the house is made of all this little details. We as woman have a natural instinct(some more other less, I would say I have a very little: I'm not good with decoration, I'm not in fashion, I don't match all my furniture,....)but that makes us the house maker. The house is part of me and I didn't know how much part of me it was until now. 
Meanwhile I was lying in bed I was worried he would do a good job with the kids and WITH THE HOUSE, the day that I was a little better I went to organize the house again and that was such a good feeling. My kids weren't sick BH but they were a little cranky, I guess when mom is not ok everyone feels. They knew something was wrong its funny that they are so little but they grasp much more than we think. 
So I am the foundation of my house. This is a big responsibility and I thought I had enough things to do now I just got a new function :) really this was always my function I think now I'm just more aware of this. I hope with this new discovery I will have more strength to do what I have to do. 

20 July, 2011

Its hot

One of the hardest things for me to get used when I moved to Brooklyn was the weather. I come from a warm country, there 10 months a year is hot(not so humid) and the 2 months that supposedly is cold the temperature is around 10C-20C, when its around 10C or lower is a very cold day (it happens twice maybe the whole winter). And here I am in Brooklyn where is the opposite, the winter is so long and cold, and the short very short summer is so hot and humid. 
But even being very short and humid and hot its summer yey! Its time to spend as much as time possible outside because soon the winter will come. I know there is fall and spring also but for a brazilian this is also winter. What I don't get is that I hear a lot of americans and russians(I live surrounded by them) complain that its too hot! Cmom we only have a few hot days in the whole year and they lock themselves in their houses with their ac units working on high 0.0
I know the weather is not so comfortable, but everything is so much better when is a beautiful day, people mood are better(maybe because that brazilians are happier and less stressful?). 
There is no right or wrong, each one do what they like better, I'm not trying to say my opinion is the right one but this is something that amazes me every summer and shows the difference of cultures. I can't get how people go out during very cold days during the winter but now that is warm they lock themselves at home. I feel funny that I do exactly the opposite. 
And you? What do you prefer hot or cold weather?   


Today my kids woke up at 5:10am, now its 5:45am and the girls are on their high chair eating cereal and watching dvd, mendel is lying next to me and I can't go back to sleep. I was thinking how much my perspectives have changed since I had them, before 9am was sooo early and now if I will wake up at 8am one day would be like over sleeping. My bed time also changed, I used to do everything at night and going to bed before 1am was unthinkable, now at 10pm its already late.
I never thought I would get used to this, I can't say I love it, but I'm doing pretty good. When I decided to stop fighting the fact that I would have to change my schedule things got much easier.
Do you also had to change your bed/awake up time because of your kids? I would love to hear from other moms.

13 July, 2011

Ashgocha protis leluy nishmat Yehuda ben Ita Esther

Today a 9yo boy was killed in a horrible way. I was following this history with facebook and twitter since monday night when he disappeared.
I think I learned a big lesson from people reaction. When we hear something not good happened our first reaction is to blame. Blame us, others or even G-d but we always have to blame on something. I think is a human nature to have to find faults so it makes easier to deal with.
Chassidus teaches us a concept that is very but very hard to internalize, this is the basic of our everyday life. Its called ashgocha pratis(divine providence), this means Hashem is watching everyone and everything at every moment and anything that happens is because He wants to happen. This means nothings goes by without Him being in charge, but at the same time we have our free choice to do our own decisions.
There are various levels of not good things, very stupid things, some serious things, more serious and something like what happened to this boy(totally horrible). I'm not trying to equalize this levels but on all of them it happened because Hashem wanted to.
When for example someone loses his job, its good for the person to know the reason so he can learn but to keep blaming himself or a coworker is the wrong approach, this only will make him depressed. With everything we should learn from our experiences but know that it is ashgocha protis.
This boys history I'm not gonna try to explain why, because noone knows why it happened. But to blame the parents, or the boy is just useless. Hashem with His infinite wisdom knows why He let it happen, we can learn from it to maybe protect more our kids and just daven a lot for the family to find comfort. But blame only make things worst, I think is a way to don't accept that life is ruled by G-d and even when we try our best we can't control everything.
Today I was playing with my daughters and I started to think about this boys parents, I hugged Devorichka and I felt I can't protect her, because I can't watch her all the time, I can try to make my house safe and I can avoid as much as I can for accidents but this is as much I can do. There is someone above that is watching me and He can watch everyone all the times and He's the only one that can protect each one of us, we have to thrust Him.
My kids will grow and I'm trying hard to do my best to teach them and to protect them but as older as they get more they will become independent and less power I will have. I will be left with my power of prayer and I will know He is listening to it. Listening doesn't mean agreeing but He only does good and I have to thrust Him.
This is not an easy thing but I will try to when I hear or live not reveal good experiences remember this post. There is no one to blame but a lesson to be learned so we can grow.
I hope the Kletsky family will find consolation and strength to deal with this

11 July, 2011

Becoming A Mom

'Seriously, moms of multiples, I don’t know how you all do it. I suppose along with the double drama and double tantrums and double sleeping trouble, come double the first smiles and laughs and kisses and that makes it all worth it.

Of course, it makes it all worth it.

I just hope you’re having double the drinks at cocktail time. You’ve certainly earned them.'

From Scary Mommy blog.

This is a part of her post but it got me thinking. For sure having twins is one of the biggest challenges I've faced but it is all worth it. I'm so happy having my little girls, they are so yummy, cute, funny, adorable and everything else you can think of.
I think that Hashem knows what each one can deal with even that we might disagree.
One we have a baby life changes completely but after I had my girls life changed more than completely. It was and it is challenging. We had to adapt, in the beginning it was harder but I was reading another post from a friend of mine and she said her colic baby made her a mom bc her first was so easy and she feels now she's really a mom. I could totally relate, mendel made me a mom but the girls really made me A MOM.
When got to the point that me and my husband accepted our life from now on will be different, we will have to give up of a lot of things for the kids it made easier to deal with.
My parents are the most selfless person I know, they gave themselves totally to me and my siblings. And if I can do a little of what they did I will be happy. Its an amazing feeling to be able to do so much for a life, I think this is the real motherhood feeling. And how much more I do more I love them.
In jewish view love is defined: how much more you give more you will love. I can't agree more. I love my kids more than everything but I never did so much for anyone(including myself).
So I have to thank my kids a lot for letting me grow so much and became not only A mom but a person that is able to feel real love. Mendel, Rivkale and Devorichka: thank you :)

05 July, 2011

Gimel Tamuz

Here I am rocking my little princess to sleep. She's a little sick so she being waking up often. I'm very tired, I want to go to sleep, really I was almost falling asleep when she started crying, I waited to see if she would stop...she didn't like the other 4 times. I'm thinking I can't do it, I have no energy, really I have no choice. I get up take her and rock her, she's so precious, she relax and fall asleep again.
This made me think about my life. There is times that I feel I can't go further, its too much, I ask Hashem stop pushing me. But He doesn't stop, so without a choice I have to find some energy that I even didn't know existed. And its a good feeling to know we are stronger than we thought.
Today is Gimel Tamuz, its the day our Rebbe concealed himself from us. And we thought we couldn't go further, we had no more energy. But the energy the Rebbe installed on us is so strong that we kept going, and we will as long as necessary. It was much easier to be able to see him, to live with him, to have him, but something its the difficult situations that makes us stronger. And specially because we know he's watching over us, helping us so we can continue. We might not understand but Hashem with his higher wisdom know what is best for us, even in this galus Hashem is doing only good to us, and all the hardships we pass suppose to make us stronger, we grow in a way we thought we couldn't anymore. And the feeling of overcoming it is amazing.
May we have our Rebbe back speedily :)

03 July, 2011

Accepting changes

The saying goes the bigger the kids easier it is. Well today I lived that. We went to Philadelphia for my niece first bday party. We did this same trip 2 times before(when the girls were 2 months and 10 months) now my kids r aged 27m and 13m. All I can say is that we learned from our mistakes.
I was never a very organized person but this time I decided to do a list and follow it. Also another 2 great decisions were to schedule the driving with kids nap time(not so easy cuz my son has a different schedule than the girls) and to keep calm.
We made the night before a schedule for the day, but this schedule was broken fisrt thing in the morning when we woke up later than expected and it was raining(part of the deal was my hubby to take kids to park so I could pack). So thanks G-d instead of freaking out we just made a new schedule. We would go after lunch.
When my husband went to shul to daven I though I would not be able to keep the stay calm deal cuz the kids got all dirty and stick. So I cleaned the mess they made and had the great idea of giving a shower before lunch. They would be more hungry to eat and more tired to sleep on the car.
So far so good, I put girls for 1st nap, started packing, hubby came and started putting things on the car. In 1hr everything(besides booster seats) was packed exactly time for the girls to wake up.
The rest of the morning went smooth specially cuz I knew everything was in the car. Bath time also was very good cuz they really did got hungry and gave us time for last minute preparation. In 10 minutes all kids, things and us were in the car. Last time I have to assume this would only happen after kids cried a lot and I screamed a lot. But thank G-d this time all went good. In 15 min all kids were sleeping and we were able to have a nice and relax drive(another good commitment was not to comment on my hubby driving skills, I kept 80% of this :).
Because I did the list we didn't forgot anything, I packed faster, so when we are relax kids are more relax and enjoy better the trip.
In the end of the drive the girls woke up crying, I imagine they were hungry so we stopped and gave them some cookies, off course mendel also woke up so he also got cookies and we were able to finish the driving with happy kids and happy parents.
This trip teach me a big lesson, really I learn that many time in my chassidus classes but I could live it today. Everything is ashgocha pratis(divine providence) so there is no reason to stress, if G-d wants you to pass trough this acceptance is the best way. If we try to fight and keep with our old plan the only thing we will get is failure, stress and disappointment. He knows what He's doing and when we accept that and change our plans to meet with His plans our life will run much smothier and happier.
I started saying the kids got bigger and it got easier but really I got bigger and it got easier :)
Today starts a new jewish month so let's start good accepting our life the way He wants and not what we dreamed. b