Kids and Kabbalah

I love how by the age of 18m kids start understanding Kabbalah. Ok I think my phrase above needs an explanation.
Do you notice when at this age you say no they her 'keep doing' or 'do it again'?
It happens with me very often, my girls climb on the table I say 'no' they will climb again. Or they throw food out of the high chair if I say 'no' they will throw the whole pate and laugh, I think you got the image.
So Kabbalah teaches us that there is no bad in this world. Whatever Hashem does to us is good, maybe our limited mind can't see the good at the moment but He knows what is best for us. So sometimes we get 'hidden brochos', things looks like they are not good but this is how it looks after some time we see how all that was a brocho.
So going back to my kids, they grasped this concept and when I say 'no' they see only good and understand the opposite.

Trusting Hashem

Unfortunately lately I've being reading a lot about child molestation. Not that this subject interest me but its kind of following me. This is something horrible and this sick people are out there in all kinds of garments(clothes). Teachers, friends, relatives, religious, atheist, fat, skinny u name it. Also other things are happening in my life that got me thinking how much can we protect our kids?
Its scary to think that our little and vulnerable angels can't be secured by us all the time. We can do the best of our power, and for that we have to be aware of bad things that happens in the world, we have to learn and to do research, teach our kids and don't be embarrassed, be their friends so they can come to us when needed, have rules, watch them, and many more things. But there is a limit of how much we can do, and when we reach this limit is time to pray and trust G-d. Making it clear I'm not saying leave up to G-d and he will save us, I said to do ALL its possible and ALSO pray. I can't imagine how scary it is to be a parent when someone don't have that trust. I know its hard but we have to know that all things come from G-d and He's protecting us and our little angels.
So as bad this world can be, and as scary it is to raise kids in it, we have Hashem and when we turn to Him we can see a light in the end of the tunnel.
May no one have to deal with any difficult situation anymore :)

I was always a punctual person or at least the kind that was maximum 5 minutes late. I grow up with parents that were very worried on being in time so I got that from them. If I had a doctor appointment I would try to be there 5 minutes before if I had to find parking add to that 10-20minutes. In college I always came 15 minutes before class started. I was always trying to not only to be on time but to be ready when time came.
Ok so I had baby number 1 and life changed, I started being a little late for things. For example when my son was almost 6 months me and my best friend(booba) made plans to go to the beach with him. So I suppose to pick her up at 10am, its a 30 minutes drive to her house(ps: I wish we would still live 30 minutes away) so I calculated everything I had to do before living the house: eat, get dress, change baby, prepare diapers bag,put baby in car seat...
Ok with that in mind I started to get ready on the right time, but to
get dress before baby was a 10 minutes task after baby is more like 20 minutes with stops every 5 minutes to attend to baby needs. To eat before baby was 5 minutes after baby is like 'eat?' what is that?
Even with all this I was by the door at 9:35 great only 10 minutes late(because time to get to car and put him in the car seat), but wait what is this smell? Not only he pooped but it was all over his clothes so I had to change him and choose new outfit, ... So I end up being 30 minutes late. Not a big deal specially because my friend is super understanding, but after this day I started noticing that wasn't something isolated. For everything I was 20-30 minutes late.
Then baby 2 and baby 3 came so now if I'm 30 minutes late I'm happy I made in time :/

Its a long long time since my last post. So many things happened. So I hope I will have a lot to post from now on. This Sukkos we went to spend by a family upstate NY, everyone talks about there and I was very curious to know what is so special about there. So I'm not sure what is special but is a beautiful place and very calm, I liked a lot and I hope to go back in the near future.
Ok so the family had cats THREE of them, its great because Zeev is very allergic so he spend 95% of his time sneezing and the other 5% eating, heping me, davening, sleeping(?),...
But the kids Boruch Hashem are not allergic and LOVED the cats. It was funny to see the difference between them, Mendel likes to see them and get very close but if the cat moves he freaks out, Devora also likes to get close but still is very afraid of them but Rivka went to touch and hug them, she was not afraid at all. Its interesting to see how different they react.
This cats were also my life saver if Mendel didn't want to do something I said I would tell the cats or if he wanted to do something wrong the same thing, he would do anything so I could give the cats a good report of him :)
I hope you enjoyed your holidays!

Coconut chocolate cake

The other night I had some free time(what lately is a miracle) so I decided to bake a cake. My friend posted the recipe on her facebook wall last Thursday and sounded so delicious that I decided to make it. 

I'm not a professional but it was definitely delicious. When I was baking I was thinking of how I used to bake cakes for Shabbos before I had kids and how life has changed since then.
Its very rare that I have free time or even time to cook now and for sure I miss that, but the joy the kids brought to my life is indescribable.
This cake had a lot of steps and I was thinking if was worth doing all that, it made tons of dirty dishes. There are one bowl cakes, or even (my favourite) box cakes but I wanted to try this new recipe. After I tasted the first bite I knew for sure that the work I had to put into was worth it, the same applies to my life, now its hard work but I can't imagine having it other way :)
 

VACCINES

Vaccines!!!

This is a hard subject. There is tons of information for the pro and the anti sides. I'm not here to advocate for any side because I'm myself not sure which side I am. I gave my 3 kids vaccines 2 weeks ago and it gave them very bad reaction. They were sick for 10 days. I can't for sure blame the vaccine but my mother feeling tells me that their body didn't react good to it.
This last weeks were basically impossible. I'm not sure how I managed but I'm happy it is over. Also thanks to the best hubby and amazing siblings that came to visit :)
When I was pregnant with my first son I started reading material anti vaccine, I read pro vaccine also but majority was anti. And I decided I would not give him vaccines, well he was born and things changed, I wasn't so sure anymore. When he was 6 months he got his first shoot. After speaking to my cousin(that I really thrust and he's a pediatrician) I decided to give him. He always reacted good. My girls had fever always after vaccines but it would pass in 12 hours. This time was very different: all 3 with fever, cranky, upset stomach for almost 10 days. I don't think it was all from the vaccines but because their body was fighting the vaccine it got open for other infections.
It got me thinking that we as parents have to make decisions that will affect our kids lives forever. Some decisions we even don't think but others its so hard to choose. We will never know if we are doing the right thing. I guess we have to do our part and daven and Hashem will do his part. Its very hard when we realize we can't control everything that happen to our kids and I'm sure as they grown older the less I will control. But if we give a good foundation when they grow up they will be able to make their own decisions and hopefully the decisions we would have made for them or even better ones :)

Before and After kids

I think is so funny how people without kids or with 1 child don't understand me. But I was like them I thought my kids would be quite and the best behaved in the world. Guess what they are KIDS and I'm happy they act like that. My mom was telling me about how her friend grandkids are so well behave, they are quiet, they don't make mess, they ask(2 yo) everything and in a way I was jealous but really I'm not because I believe kids should act as kids. I know my kids are very energetic and they could be a little more behaved but I am glad they are enjoying their childhood.

Before we become parents we are the best parents in the world, we know how to raise kids better than anyone as soon as our baby is born we become like all other parents we don't know anything.
Parenthood is one of the hardest things to do and there is no right or wrong as long as what we are doing is not dangerous we are the best ones to make decisions.
Also to have one baby or kids very far apart is very different to have lots of kids close together and I think to have twins is a unique experience. No one will ever understand what it is until they will live it. I had all planned how I would raise my kids and guess what most of my plans were 100% undoable. I don't think I'm the best mother in the world but I think I'm doing my best and so far I'm happy with the outcome.
I learned to don't judge other and that having kids is exhausting but the best thing ever :)

Picture taken for this blog. She's just amazing :)
http://crappypictures.typepad.com/

I was very sick this week, I had strep now thank G-d I'm back to normal but this experience showed me how the saying hakeres habays(foundation of the home) is sooo right. My wonderful husband helped me a lot, more than what I expected and he did an amazing job but he's not a woman. Thank you taty :) 

Little things that a men would never notice he didn't do. They r not important things but they make a difference for me and I was thinking that really the house is made of all this little details. We as woman have a natural instinct(some more other less, I would say I have a very little: I'm not good with decoration, I'm not in fashion, I don't match all my furniture,....)but that makes us the house maker. The house is part of me and I didn't know how much part of me it was until now. 

Meanwhile I was lying in bed I was worried he would do a good job with the kids and WITH THE HOUSE, the day that I was a little better I went to organize the house again and that was such a good feeling. My kids weren't sick BH but they were a little cranky, I guess when mom is not ok everyone feels. They knew something was wrong its funny that they are so little but they grasp much more than we think. 

So I am the foundation of my house. This is a big responsibility and I thought I had enough things to do now I just got a new function :) really this was always my function I think now I'm just more aware of this. I hope with this new discovery I will have more strength to do what I have to do. 

Its hot

One of the hardest things for me to get used when I moved to Brooklyn was the weather. I come from a warm country, there 10 months a year is hot(not so humid) and the 2 months that supposedly is cold the temperature is around 10C-20C, when its around 10C or lower is a very cold day (it happens twice maybe the whole winter). And here I am in Brooklyn where is the opposite, the winter is so long and cold, and the short very short summer is so hot and humid. 

But even being very short and humid and hot its summer yey! Its time to spend as much as time possible outside because soon the winter will come. I know there is fall and spring also but for a brazilian this is also winter. What I don't get is that I hear a lot of americans and russians(I live surrounded by them) complain that its too hot! Cmom we only have a few hot days in the whole year and they lock themselves in their houses with their ac units working on high 0.0

I know the weather is not so comfortable, but everything is so much better when is a beautiful day, people mood are better(maybe because that brazilians are happier and less stressful?). 

There is no right or wrong, each one do what they like better, I'm not trying to say my opinion is the right one but this is something that amazes me every summer and shows the difference of cultures. I can't get how people go out during very cold days during the winter but now that is warm they lock themselves at home. I feel funny that I do exactly the opposite. 

  

And you? What do you prefer hot or cold weather?   

Changes

Today my kids woke up at 5:10am, now its 5:45am and the girls are on their high chair eating cereal and watching dvd, mendel is lying next to me and I can't go back to sleep. I was thinking how much my perspectives have changed since I had them, before 9am was sooo early and now if I will wake up at 8am one day would be like over sleeping. My bed time also changed, I used to do everything at night and going to bed before 1am was unthinkable, now at 10pm its already late.
I never thought I would get used to this, I can't say I love it, but I'm doing pretty good. When I decided to stop fighting the fact that I would have to change my schedule things got much easier.

Do you also had to change your bed/awake up time because of your kids? I would love to hear from other moms.

Ashgocha protis leluy nishmat Yehuda ben Ita Esther

Today a 9yo boy was killed in a horrible way. I was following this history with facebook and twitter since monday night when he disappeared.
I think I learned a big lesson from people reaction. When we hear something not good happened our first reaction is to blame. Blame us, others or even G-d but we always have to blame on something. I think is a human nature to have to find faults so it makes easier to deal with.
Chassidus teaches us a concept that is very but very hard to internalize, this is the basic of our everyday life. Its called ashgocha pratis(divine providence), this means Hashem is watching everyone and everything at every moment and anything that happens is because He wants to happen. This means nothings goes by without Him being in charge, but at the same time we have our free choice to do our own decisions.
There are various levels of not good things, very stupid things, some serious things, more serious and something like what happened to this boy(totally horrible). I'm not trying to equalize this levels but on all of them it happened because Hashem wanted to.
When for example someone loses his job, its good for the person to know the reason so he can learn but to keep blaming himself or a coworker is the wrong approach, this only will make him depressed. With everything we should learn from our experiences but know that it is ashgocha protis.
This boys history I'm not gonna try to explain why, because noone knows why it happened. But to blame the parents, or the boy is just useless. Hashem with His infinite wisdom knows why He let it happen, we can learn from it to maybe protect more our kids and just daven a lot for the family to find comfort. But blame only make things worst, I think is a way to don't accept that life is ruled by G-d and even when we try our best we can't control everything.
Today I was playing with my daughters and I started to think about this boys parents, I hugged Devorichka and I felt I can't protect her, because I can't watch her all the time, I can try to make my house safe and I can avoid as much as I can for accidents but this is as much I can do. There is someone above that is watching me and He can watch everyone all the times and He's the only one that can protect each one of us, we have to thrust Him.
My kids will grow and I'm trying hard to do my best to teach them and to protect them but as older as they get more they will become independent and less power I will have. I will be left with my power of prayer and I will know He is listening to it. Listening doesn't mean agreeing but He only does good and I have to thrust Him.
This is not an easy thing but I will try to when I hear or live not reveal good experiences remember this post. There is no one to blame but a lesson to be learned so we can grow.
I hope the Kletsky family will find consolation and strength to deal with this

Becoming A Mom

'Seriously, moms of multiples, I don’t know how you all do it. I suppose along with the double drama and double tantrums and double sleeping trouble, come double the first smiles and laughs and kisses and that makes it all worth it.

Of course, it makes it all worth it.

I just hope you’re having double the drinks at cocktail time. You’ve certainly earned them.'

From Scary Mommy blog.

This is a part of her post but it got me thinking. For sure having twins is one of the biggest challenges I've faced but it is all worth it. I'm so happy having my little girls, they are so yummy, cute, funny, adorable and everything else you can think of.
I think that Hashem knows what each one can deal with even that we might disagree.
One we have a baby life changes completely but after I had my girls life changed more than completely. It was and it is challenging. We had to adapt, in the beginning it was harder but I was reading another post from a friend of mine and she said her colic baby made her a mom bc her first was so easy and she feels now she's really a mom. I could totally relate, mendel made me a mom but the girls really made me A MOM.
When got to the point that me and my husband accepted our life from now on will be different, we will have to give up of a lot of things for the kids it made easier to deal with.
My parents are the most selfless person I know, they gave themselves totally to me and my siblings. And if I can do a little of what they did I will be happy. Its an amazing feeling to be able to do so much for a life, I think this is the real motherhood feeling. And how much more I do more I love them.
In jewish view love is defined: how much more you give more you will love. I can't agree more. I love my kids more than everything but I never did so much for anyone(including myself).
So I have to thank my kids a lot for letting me grow so much and became not only A mom but a person that is able to feel real love. Mendel, Rivkale and Devorichka: thank you :)
 

Gimel Tamuz

Here I am rocking my little princess to sleep. She's a little sick so she being waking up often. I'm very tired, I want to go to sleep, really I was almost falling asleep when she started crying, I waited to see if she would stop...she didn't like the other 4 times. I'm thinking I can't do it, I have no energy, really I have no choice. I get up take her and rock her, she's so precious, she relax and fall asleep again.
This made me think about my life. There is times that I feel I can't go further, its too much, I ask Hashem stop pushing me. But He doesn't stop, so without a choice I have to find some energy that I even didn't know existed. And its a good feeling to know we are stronger than we thought.
Today is Gimel Tamuz, its the day our Rebbe concealed himself from us. And we thought we couldn't go further, we had no more energy. But the energy the Rebbe installed on us is so strong that we kept going, and we will as long as necessary. It was much easier to be able to see him, to live with him, to have him, but something its the difficult situations that makes us stronger. And specially because we know he's watching over us, helping us so we can continue. We might not understand but Hashem with his higher wisdom know what is best for us, even in this galus Hashem is doing only good to us, and all the hardships we pass suppose to make us stronger, we grow in a way we thought we couldn't anymore. And the feeling of overcoming it is amazing.
May we have our Rebbe back speedily :)

Accepting changes

The saying goes the bigger the kids easier it is. Well today I lived that. We went to Philadelphia for my niece first bday party. We did this same trip 2 times before(when the girls were 2 months and 10 months) now my kids r aged 27m and 13m. All I can say is that we learned from our mistakes.
I was never a very organized person but this time I decided to do a list and follow it. Also another 2 great decisions were to schedule the driving with kids nap time(not so easy cuz my son has a different schedule than the girls) and to keep calm.
We made the night before a schedule for the day, but this schedule was broken fisrt thing in the morning when we woke up later than expected and it was raining(part of the deal was my hubby to take kids to park so I could pack). So thanks G-d instead of freaking out we just made a new schedule. We would go after lunch.
When my husband went to shul to daven I though I would not be able to keep the stay calm deal cuz the kids got all dirty and stick. So I cleaned the mess they made and had the great idea of giving a shower before lunch. They would be more hungry to eat and more tired to sleep on the car.
So far so good, I put girls for 1st nap, started packing, hubby came and started putting things on the car. In 1hr everything(besides booster seats) was packed exactly time for the girls to wake up.
The rest of the morning went smooth specially cuz I knew everything was in the car. Bath time also was very good cuz they really did got hungry and gave us time for last minute preparation. In 10 minutes all kids, things and us were in the car. Last time I have to assume this would only happen after kids cried a lot and I screamed a lot. But thank G-d this time all went good. In 15 min all kids were sleeping and we were able to have a nice and relax drive(another good commitment was not to comment on my hubby driving skills, I kept 80% of this :).
Because I did the list we didn't forgot anything, I packed faster, so when we are relax kids are more relax and enjoy better the trip.
In the end of the drive the girls woke up crying, I imagine they were hungry so we stopped and gave them some cookies, off course mendel also woke up so he also got cookies and we were able to finish the driving with happy kids and happy parents.
This trip teach me a big lesson, really I learn that many time in my chassidus classes but I could live it today. Everything is ashgocha pratis(divine providence) so there is no reason to stress, if G-d wants you to pass trough this acceptance is the best way. If we try to fight and keep with our old plan the only thing we will get is failure, stress and disappointment. He knows what He's doing and when we accept that and change our plans to meet with His plans our life will run much smothier and happier.
I started saying the kids got bigger and it got easier but really I got bigger and it got easier :)
Today starts a new jewish month so let's start good accepting our life the way He wants and not what we dreamed. b

Booboo lesson

Today my daughter got hurt, nothing major just a cut. But it didn't stop bleeding, she was very good about it, she didn't cry.
This reminds me when I would see kids getting hurt and freak out. Not that I am scared of blood but because normally with the booboo come tons of crying this was something I was afraid of.
When my son was 6 months we were spending Sukkos by our shul, they had a high table with very high chairs. One boy(2yo) was playing with the chairs and he fell, all I remember is that there was a lot(I really mean a lot) of blood coming out of his mouth and he didn't stopped crying. The mother took him and washed the blood off but it was still coming out. I think it took 10 minutes for the boy to calm down and the bleeding stop. I was looking in awe and I asked her how could she keep so calm. She said when you have kids you learn to deal with it. This saying kept in my mind at the time I though I would never be able to do this.
Past forward almost 2 years I think I became that mom. My kids fall and get hurt so often that I'm totally used and calm with it. I learned how much more calm I am this is how they will be. Couple of months ago my sister in law called me saying she took her daughter to the hospital because she fell of her high chair. I was totally amazed, like kids fall all the time I told her. Now writing this I see how much I learned, when the boy got hurt I thought the mother should take him to the hospital and now I though my sister in law was crazy for doing so.
This is the good thing about motherhood we can learn and grow everyday and our kids are patient enough to let us, I think they don't even notice we are still learning. I think the way we react is the way they will learn to react for life. Everything we say and do are lessons for them, so I hope I can teach my kids that we must always keep calm and know that Hashem is watching and guarding us.

Craz but the best

Today was a crazy day. I'm trying to get used to the fact that my son is on vacation, I think when I will get used he will be back to school(only 3 more days lol).
But its during this crazy days that I get to appreciate the wonderful moments of motherhood. They are so little but give me so much proud. My daughter have this new game that one sit on the car and the other pushes her around the house. It's the cutest thing ever!
My son likes to be the big brother, he's always offering them things and taking care of them. They play/fight together all the time. Normally if I leave them alone they get along more, but this mean they get together to make more mess, so I try to balance between mess-wanting mommy.
They are growing up so fast and when I stop to think it scares me, little more than 2 years ago my life was soooo different, I could say I was happy but the joy they brought to my life is indescribable
Its hard to notice this between all the craziness here but they are the most amazing thing ever, this is a note to self: enjoy more your little treasures :)

Huricane Kushnirsky

I got some suggestion and I will change a little my style, from now on I will talk direct with you.

Today we had a huricane over, see photos below so you will understand what I mean.
My son is in vacation aka I'm going crazy ;)
First I was trying to talk to my mom in skype so I let them play with the tissue box. This mean my floor became white, it looked cute, reminded me of snow in this boiling weather, or this what I say to excuse myself.
After my son decide to color his puzzle and the table. No paper is not fun 0.0
I forgot the gate open so they went upstairs and it was quiet, after couple quiet minutes I had to check what was going on. The 3 of them were in the bathroom playing with the toilet, the toilet paper and the newspaper we keep there. I didn't took a pic but my bathroom looked like the living room.
I can't complain BH my kids are very healthy and have tons of energy.
What do you do when your kids make a lot of mess?

huricane

Sleep time adventure

Sleep time at my house is always an adventure. Could be a short one(5 min) or a long one(3 hours, yes THREE).
So here is an example of yesterdays night fun. We put the girls down but rivka was very upset so she was crying a lot. I'm against cio, not that they never cry but at some point I will pick them up. This point is very correlated to my level of patience left for the day(less patient more time they will cry). Shabbos is always a hard day, oh how I miss unlce moyshe :) also to try to have a 4 hrs shabbos meal with 3 kids under 2 is very fun 0.0
So I let her cry for a little, it didn't work so I went to the room to take her. Thanks to my cute screaming son it wasn't so easy to calm her down. BH after 15 min of rocking her she fell asleep.
Mendel was so hyper specially from all the nash I let him have so I can stay a little longer entertaining my guests.
So now Devora woke up screaming ok more rocking time.
When I put her down Rivka wakes up again. So I take her down and I will put her back to sleep when I will put mendel.
1 hour later its bed time for mendel, he's not happy with it so he goes screaming to the room what wakes up Devora. Now the 3 of them r crying.
I leave the room, take a deep breath(bite something sweet, maybe this is why I can't keep a healthy diet) and go back in. So I have to choose which baby to hold, I try Rivka but Devora got soooo upset so after 10 min I changed.
I go from one baby to another for more 20 when Rivka finally falls asleep so I can focus in Devora. At this point Mendel is not crying anymore but he decides to play with Devora.
I put her down so she will not get hyper and finally after 10 min she's sleeping.
Now its mendels turn. I don't know how long took him to sleep but I woke up after 30 min and all 3 r sleeping.
Such an amazing feeling I can't even describe.

PS: not every night is like this

It makes all worth it

Yesterday my son did one of the cutest things ever. I speak with my kids in Portuguese and love is 'amo'. We were in the car coming back from his 'graduation'. He goes to daycare(he's 2yo) and the teacher made a little graduation where they sang some songs it was very cute.
So coming back to the car he was saying 'elmo mommy', 'elmo mommy'. Normally when he says a word he says mommy in the end and I have to repeat what he said, he will say over and over until I say the word he said(sometimes takes a while). He doesn't watch TV so I was thinking where does he know Elmo from.
Me: who is elmo
Mendel: noooo elmo mommy
Me: elmo?
Mendel: noooo elmo mommy
This conversation repeated 6 more times until I FINALLY got it.
Me: amo?
Mendel: yeahh amo mommy
It was soooooo cute I can't describe. He was saying he loves me :)
This teach me a lesson. I was all upset trying to figure out how does he knows elmo, who is teaching him this. So we have to judge everyone favorably. He was saying he loves me and I was worried with something else that took me so long to receive his love declaration lol
Let's be an open vessel to get the good things Hashem gives us :)

Good morning

One of the ways I get some minutes more of sleep in the morning is to put them in the high chair, give cheerios and put uncle moyshe(or whatver dvd they want).
The problem is someday takes 15 min for them to agree on ONE dvd to watch. Or one wants cheerios the other dry fruits the other yogurt...oh wait now all of them want yogurt. Water, ok sipcups for them.
 I lie down for more 5 min and mendel sossy fell in the floor. Ok sossys on, finally little more sleep. Oh it feels so good to have a quiet moment. Quiet? Is Rivka crying? No she will stop but it gets louder. Ok I will go check. Oh her cheerios finished. More cheerios, of course the other 2 also want more(even that they have plenty in their chairs).
Ok its quiet. Oh great the dvd finished. I give up! I think 5 hours of sleep was enough and its time to entertain the little ones.
GOOD MORNING :)